Girl Talk

TW: Mentions of anxiety, suicidal thoughts, eating disroder

Hi friends! Yay second blog post! I’m quite literally loving my blog and this community being built. I REACHED 100 FOLLOWERS ON INSTAGRAM! THANK YOU! I cannot believe this by the way. I mean “Muah!”is still something I love to keep me writing and creative, but LOVE THAT OTHERS LOVE IT JUST AS MUCH AS ME.

Back to the regular scheduled program:

Female friendships.

Let’s talk about it.
Now some of the most fulfilling friendships I’ve had have been with women. I think every woman needs strong women in their lives. Whether that is your friend group since high school or your mom and sister, it doesn’t matter, they are hopefully supportive. Also hot take? But I think family can be considered friends. I consider my mom one of my best friends, but obviously I respect her in that motherly / daughterly relationship. We will get deeper into that in this post. I do think it’s only a hot take if you treat your family member like a friend before their family member title. Like my brother, Jared (or Jay Jay Janks to some of you) as my brother first.  Let me know if you think it’s a hot take or not!  However, some of the hardest friendship breakups have also been with women. Those actually suck so bad. For example, I had this friendship for almost a decade, and I had to end it. I won’t get into all the details because I truly wish the best for them and healing, but man was it hard. It was something I didn’t see coming, but also of how it ended. And not to say I was perfect! I mean I was not the ultimate factor for that friendship ending, but I’m human and I’m sure there are things I could have done better with. Will also get into that later too!

I did a poll on instagram of some topics you guys wanted me to write about. When I saw “Female Friendships”, I was set. Friendship is something I don’t take lightly. This doesn’t mean I master everything in friendship, but I’d like to think I am a good friend overall. I like to think my friends are a core part of my experiences growing up in my life. I think it’s within my personality to have friendships so sweet because I love ensuring people feel comforted, an empath if you will. If you saw my insta post launching this topic (and if you didn’t follow me at @muah.blog), I kind of gave an insight into what specifically I’ll be talking about. I gave a couple examples of different friendship dynamics, and although I won’t talk about all of them, a lot of them incorporate themselves with each other.

• Right timing right place

Now I have a couple of friends I can say that came at the right timing and right place. People like this are, in my mind, “Godsends”. It’s always the people I either didn’t know I needed. My friend Lourdess or better known as Lo, is one of those people. I’d met her through a mutual friend (who I don’t talk to anymore lol), and we clicked instantly. If you know Lo, you know she is very talented, especially with a camera, so she had reached out to that mutual friend to do a summer short film with my group of friends. Now if you need to know one thing, my friend group summer 2023 was ELITE! I’m still friends with all of them too haha. Anyways, we filmed and got very close, but it was one of those friendships that are unexpected. Lo is one of those people’s advice I admire and reflect back to our first time meeting. These kinds of friendships are a dime and dozen, not everyone is going to have those long-lasting impacts. And what a blessing you would get to experience. Another friendship, more like my sister from a totally different mother is Bailey. If you know me, you know Bailey and vice versa. She is my soul sister for the rest of eternity. In Heaven, I can guarantee we will be sharing a mansion. Our story starts from the 7th grade where we met in art class, where Bailey learned she was amazing at art and I learned it would just have to be a hobby. Anyways, we hit it off and maintained a friendship up until 9th grade. We just kind of got busy with life and went to different schools. We lived in the same neighborhood, and our schools were not far, just got busy, nothing personal. 

Now here comes the quick mood drop… During most of my high school life, I struggled with anxiety. This was some of the first few times I can remember suffering from anxiety attacks. This was a combination of suicidal thoughts, body dysmorphia, COVID, and so many things! Well one random day in 2021, I was having a bad day and I went to my favorite coffee shop to make myself feel better. I ran into her at L3 Craft (iykyk). We reconnected, and planned to hang out. Long story short, we started hanging out again every day and while we hung out one day I learned something. That day we reconnected, she had gone through a breakup the day prior.

“I prayed God would send me something good.”, she told me, “And that was you!”

I’ll never forget that and to this day, I believe that we were meant to save each other. Bailey is one of those people I didn’t know I needed and the other way around. So for these kinds of friendships, I really emphasize listening to your gut. Sometimes you may not understand why you are in a bad place whether that be physically or mentally, but sometimes the light at the end of the road may be a sweet friendship.

• Family

I think something I’ve learned about my family is how to be a good friend. I mean think about it, our family is some of our first sets of people we are exposed to. My parents, but especially my mom, have engrained in my mind how important it is to bless people. I think that’s why when it comes around to my friends birthdays or special accomplishments, I always want to do something or get them a gift that is sentimental. I also think it can bite me in  butt because my kindness can be taken advantage of, not so much now, but in the past, yes. My mom is the queen of celebrating, but under all that she really does have a heart of kindness. A lot about friendship is learning and that’s something I can take from my mom, how to treat others. So in a lot of ways, our upbringing does reflect how we interact with outside relationships today. With that in mind, not everyone has the best upbringing. This doesn’t mean to excuse all behavior, but maybe if your friend is going through something and is kind of reacting in a very specific way (trauma response), give them grace (SOMETIMES). Along with maintaining friendships is growing and holding people accountable.

• Long Distance

Okay, this one I lowkey think I’m good at maintaining just because I’ve had to do it so much. Long distance friendships are some of the biggest tests known to man! I mean think about it, it’s miles and miles and miles away, like someone you don’t have quick access to. Since I went to school out of state, and eventually came home, I played both long distance with my school friends (currently) and long distance with my home friends (during school). I can say one thing though, I don’t have to call my long distance friends every single day to maintain a friendship, I think a lot of them have built that kind of foundation that allows us to still be connected. Also when visiting, it makes each time more valuable! I went back to Cali for my alumni concert event and I got to see all of my friends, and despite it being a few months post-grad, it was perfect. It makes each time more exciting to see one another! And I’ve had some of my Cali friends visit me here which is special because I can show them my home. I think with these kinds of friendships, they play out differently. Some people are more into texting rather than facetime. Some people want to talk everyday, and some not all the time. I think once you are put in that position, you find out your style.

Friendship can be a rollercoaster, but it’s not supposed to always be easy. It’s like any aspect of life! However, once you get people in your life that care so much about you, you’ll know. It’s one of those gut feelings! 

• Friendship breakups

These aren’t fun nor are they easy. I don’t care what anyone says regardless how close you were to the person, if you formed some kind of bond, it sucks. Some people are less attached to others, but for me I’m in the middle. If I’ve built a firm foundation with you and then a problem arises, I’m quick to kind of nip them in the bud and express how I’m feeling. I encourage everyone to do that, especially if this is a friendship you want to have!I recently a few months back went through a friendship breakup of almost a decade. A decade! And although I will not give all the details, it was a series of things built up over time. Some things I expressed, some things I didn’t but overall ended. I mean of course I was sad from it, but sometimes in that moment you realize who your true friends are. I got closer with a lot of people in that time, as they helped me realize that cutting off that relationship was the healthiest. But ultimately, you have to be the one to cut it off if your mental health is affected. I would say a lot of that friendship, I felt negative and felt like I couldn’t share all my accomplishments with said person. It was almost a defeat! I think it just revealed itself more as we grew into adults and bigger and better things were happening for us, I didn’t always feel they were happy for me. Something good about these relationships that end is you learn a lot. You can learn more about yourself, boundaries, people and so much more. It’s so important to be aware of everything you may learn and be open to it.

Friendship can be a rollercoaster, but it’s not supposed to always be easy. It’s like any aspect of life! However, once you get people in your life that care so much about you, you’ll know. It’s one of those gut feelings! My ultimate advice, girls can be mean. Sometimes more caluclauted than guys to hurt someone’s feelings. This isn’t to throw women under the bus, it’s just a lot of the experience of girls. However, with that, it’s okay to be selective who is in your inner circle, it’s your life! Some people are meant for a season and that is okay. REMEMBER: Your inner circle says a lot about who you are as a person! Mean girls will be mean girls, don’t get caught up in all that mess. Choose Kindness always! Spread Love!