Body Goals?

TW: Eating disorder

If you sat and asked yourself what is your idea of “body goals”, what would you say? Maybe the past you and the current you might have different answers. If I asked my 2016 year old self what I thought, I would say, “To be skinny.”

But now? “Love whatever body I’m in!”

This isn’t to say I don’t struggle with my body sometimes, but I’ve reached the point in my young adult life that, honestly, I don’t care. Like if someone has something to say about MY BODY? That’s crazy because it’s not even their body lol. I just believe as a society, we put too much emphasis on bodies, especially on women. 

Diet culture actually sucks and is not hot. I don’t know if that’s a hot take, but diets scare me? Well, I think there are certain diets that are okay like vegans, but I don’t like what it pushes. In fact, I might just hate it! 

Being skinny, 6 foot, with blue eyes was a trend. Big butt, curly hair was a trend too. All because of the standards our society places on us and unfortunately we fall guilty of it whether we are the victim or the oppressor. And then the people who usually put expectations on us are men, white men. If you think about it, a lot of the beauty industry is run or owned by men who set the standards. Like why are we putting men in positions to again control our bodies and what we should wear or what looks good on us. I know as a black woman, along with other stereotypes, the one built for me in this world is: essentially promiscuous. Of course, this is a false stereotype to put on all black women, but one some people see on me or expect me to be subconsciously.

Middle school is where my body image issues started and where to this day still something I struggle with. It’s definitely not as bad, BUT BUCKLE UP. We are about to get real vulnerable here. 

When I lived in Arkansas for the year and half I did, I went to a private Christian school. Now this school was predominantly white and so was Arkansas, so on a deeper level I felt like different issues would arise and I had no one to relate with too. Anyways, I did develop a good group of friends, but again I was the only black one and on top of that, the only non-skinny one. My body type has never been small, especially compared to my mom and sister. A lot of my issues I believe stem from that, seeing that my older sister and mom have always been petite and I have not. So with all that in mind, one day after volleyball practice, and I vividly can replay this in my head, one of the girls said something to me. We were talking about our shorts and how mine always rode up on my legs. 

“Well maybe it’s because your butt is too big.”

Now 6th grade me didn’t know the fact that my butt being too big was an issue. This was the time period where having a big butt was not in comparison to maybe now. Everyone wants to be “thick”nowadays. This just goes to show that body standards change almost everyday. When that girl said that, my whole perspective shifted. I didn’t want to be “fat” in their eyes and that’s how I saw myself in the mirror everyday from that point. We later moved to Texas for my 7th grade year which became one of the worst things for me. I don’t ever know if I can call what I had an eating disorder, well okay I probably can as I am typing this.I developed a bad relationship with food and saw it as a negative rather than it fueling my body. It’s funny what our minds can do, it can trick us into thinking I’ll get skinny and perfect, but in reality my body wasn’t doing what I thought would happen. I kept this pattern up until maybe like 9th grade. It honestly all is a blur for me and something I don’t tell many people, so if you are reading this, you may have not known this about me. However, this is a period in my life I don’t regret going through. Here are some things I learned and still practice in my daily walk of body dysphonia.

• Age brings change

My 7th grade body which I thought was “fat”, but was normal is not going to be the same as my body I live in now. And guess what, nothing is wrong with that! I now appreciate what my body has done and gone through for me. I like my curves because it shows me that I’m becoming a woman. I think my favorite part so far of my body are my stretch marks. I think that’s something so cool that makes us all a little unique.

• Balance is so real

Food has been a battle for me and still sometimes is. However, what I do now compared to years ago, I put this framework into perspective, food is a necessity and a blessing. There are people who can’t afford to eat everyday, so that’s something I dwell on. I also have recently, maybe in the past three years, gotten into cooking especially for people. When I was getting over my disorder, I wanted to find food fun for me. So I started cooking and watching “Chopped” , funny enough. Now I claim to be a master chef if you will and I own a recipe book where I add my own there. But with all this, the main goal should be that food is fuel, not a hassle. Finding ways to incorporate veggies could simply be hidden  red sauce and some pasta! Fun things like that, and having “colorful dinners”. This meaning, your meals should be brightness and sunshine for you. So maybe you want to eat a salad, but not a lame one. Add some chicken, berries, lemon dressing? Whatever you want!

• Workouts shouldn’t hurt.

Nobody can convince me that you should be in the gym for 2 hours plus to get results. A big struggle I had was finding workouts that didn’t make me want to throw up after and die. I’m in the gym 4 times a week and the other days besides Sundays are my walking days. I like to walk at least twice in my week and it’s my favorite one. It’s the most peaceful and amazing workout to live and LOW MAINTENANCE.

• I must love myself before anyone else

Romantic relationships are some of the most intimate relationships we can have. My future partner must love me for all the seasons that my body presents to me. It’s simply a standard I have put out fo rmy future husband, whoever he is. Create it to be a non-negotiable; If you can love your body, then so should said partener, especially when it comes to being together. 

I’m going to say something controversial, maybe? But I believe body goals shouldn’t be what makes YOU! It’s okay to set goals for yourself, but don’t let it consume you! That will be the death of you.