Mediocre men.
Probably the most requested topic (especially from my friends).
Mediocre men are mediocre until proven to be bare minimalists
Later can be promoted to a solid guy.
My hot take is that men are just that, men.
I can say confidently I’ve only dealt with about two in my life, and if you know me, you know my motto is, you can have 1 or 2 mistakes (men), but after 2nd YOU GOTTA LOCK IN! Now this rule doesn’t apply to everyone because everyone’s lives are different, but for the most part, mediocre men are something beautiful, perfect angels like you DON’T deserve. This also isn’t to say you are weak if you can’t walk away. Every day you wake up, you are brave. But if you have the support to go, the only thing stopping you could be a mental block. That mindset block being something, as girls, we are taught: “Boys will be boys.” Harmful rhetoric like this is what creates mediocre men. Men who can just get by or claim flowers are enough. A generational curse, if you will.
My experience with one was about a year ago during my college years. He knew people in my friend group, and I had zero idea he was interested in me. Like, if you ask me to this day, I was not aware. We met one time spring quarter, and then the following school year, he showed up to more friend hangouts. That’s when we swiped up on my story later that fall quarter. I was surprised. To keep it short and sweet, we texted a lot, went out on dates, and even talked about what we wanted in the future. I would talk about him to my friends from home, hype him up. You know, all the mushy gushy stuff you tend to do. Well, to my surprise (genuinely), he ended things after I had to ask the infamous question, “What are we?”
I expected him to reconfirm what I thought, that he liked me, and wanted to continue what we had, just on a boyfriend level, with some time.
Yeah, no, I didn’t get that
I actually got the “I am not ready for a relationship” text. I was honestly devastated! Mainly because it felt like one blow after another (rough fall quarter). You can ask my friends from school, it was not a pretty sight. It actually became extra ugly when I went to a party of a mutual friend, and he showed up with a girl 🙂 This was a bout three months after we ended things, meaning he had to have time to talk to her, and then they made it official. The gag of it all, he came up to me and tried to introduce me to her. Once again, if you know my personality, you know I did not just meet her; I did walk away completely and ignored the rest of the party. Was it immature in the moment? Maybe (I stand on that it wasn’t), but I was so hurt in that moment. Then the girl ended up being in my class that quarter, yet another gag. To this day, I think they are still together, I’m not sure, I
unfollowed him awahile ago. As perfect timing is, my best friend, Ellie came down for a visit and made me feel instanlty better that weekend
With this story in mind, I learned a lot, but one of them was discovering who I am as a person. I will admit I stumbled one more time after that. The crazy part is, I didn’t like him like that, yet I let it taint my friendships, and it did send me into a mental health spiral. I have later resolved those issues, and I am grateful I have friends who are supportive and forgiving. With a lot of PRAYER and THERAPY, I was able to feel better, and live my healthy, happy life I have right now. Although my mental health isn’t necessarily an excuse, it definitely played a part. This is what mediocre men can do to you, even if you think “you can handle it.”
If you ask me, the signs are obvious, BUT I say that now in my right frame of mind, knowing what I want out of a relationship. However, I think sometimes, you’ve got to go through the ugly to show what you deserve. This sucks, but I honestly don’t regret anything I have gone through. I believe God has someone PERFECT FOR ME! I’m very confident in that. I also have a strange feeling that I will become a girfiledn this year, not too sure why. I could completely be wrong, but I also feel it a little bit in my bones as I was going into this year LOL!
I do think it’s damaging to constantly talk about men. However, I will say to girls who talk about men or try to fit their guy friends into every conversation, you should run. Girls like this are “guys girls”. Society has deemed the difference between “giurls girls” and “guys girls” very well. “Guys girls” are going to let you down each time and pick a man over you in an instant. My rule of thumb is if you sense that they bring up guys in or out of your circle for every small thing, they might be obsessed. And sometimes you can’t blame them, it’s the world we live in. I talked about this in my post “Body Goals?”, where the beauty industry is run by men, but women are the higher consumers than men. This results in us inherently being controlled by men who are setting these standards. We live in a ptricarhy and even though we have had much success in achieving freedom as women, men still have opportunities to take control. With all that being said, a lot of us have grown up with a mentality to please guys. That’s where we need to break this system. None of us should settle for mediocre men. AND never let a man make you feel mediocre to boost himself up.
Not all of these are romantic. I actually have a guy friend who probably isn’t reading this, but the petty part in me might just send this to him; it falls in this category. When it came around time to promote my blog and share it, he had recently redownloaded instagram. I simply told him he should follow my blog, you know, to SUPPORT A FRIEND! His response was “Ion know, I just get the ick from spams or stuff like that.” It’s not too easy for me to get embarrassed, and I’m far from embarrassed about my blog, so reading that didn’t make me feel insecure; it more so made me upset. He claims it was a joke, but it shows me that men will fail even if you aren’t romantically involved. This isn’t to say he is a bad friend and hates me, but in that moment, it just puts you back into the mindset that men can still just be men. Although girls can do this too, I can say for myself that my female friendships are often supportive and reassuring.
Okay, okay, let me not hate TOO MUCH. Men can be redeeming, but that isn’t the point. The point is, I think a lot of the time I find women platforming men for the bare minimum things, and it’s like, girl, I CAN HOLD THE DOOR FOR YOU! Like any relationship, we need to look for the green flags, which may be different person to person. Things I can put in this category are him surprising you with a surprise party, or remembering cooking you food that reminds you of growing up. I can’t tell you what is special to you or not, but for the love of everything good, platforming men only boosts their ego and lowers the bar. You can call me a hater, and that I hate all men. I really don’t. I just won’t settle for anything less than what I know I deserve. My personality, I can be a bit of a tough nut to crack, and I still have a lot to learn about love, but I’m certain on one thing: NO LOSER LAME-O OR WANNABE (again).
Comment if you agree or disagree! I want to hear your thoughts!!!